If you need to remind yourself about her talent then the video is posted below. Oh and I know I promised that post today but I didn’t get round to it and I’m out tomorrow but I’ll try to finish it so bear with me.

-Shwee
Currently Listening: Jesus Walks – Kanye West

Good news; I’m not too bad with the E&W module. Its mostly theory based and I have the basic facts down.
Bad news: There is no way in hell I will pass the Mechanics module.

This can either go into ways; 1, I can fail Mechanics so badly that it will drag my E&W grade down, or 2, I pass  E&W so well that it drags my Mechanics grade up. Obviously I’m hoping for the latter but I still predict I’ll only get an E grade at most. Well I guess its better then a U. That’s just shameful. Haha!

In other news I started a H!P post. I’ll try and finish it tonight or tomorrow, unless I lose the motivation to complete it. 

So stay tuned!

-Shwee
Currently Listening: Mommy Complex – Peaches 

Daniel is sweet, nice and a good friend of mine. But I feel hes too nice. I know I’m not in love with him. I probably never will be. But the fact that hes in love with me makes my life a a whole lot more difficult.

Why can I not love him? I’m gay…..possibly. I don’t know. I think I am. But I’m not ready to accept it. I’ve came out to a few of my friends as ‘bi’ but deep down I don’t think the label suits me. Which frustrates me even more. I don’t even know my own sexuality! How can I not know myself? I mean I said earlier I’m possibly gay but then there are SOME men I am slightly attracted to. But I don’t feel comfortable identifying as ‘bisexual’. WTF? Not knowing yourself is so frustrating and is another reason why I feel so angry all the time lately.

And worst of all? I have NO ONE to talk to about this. Steph will probably understand about the anger issues but there is no one I know who has this troubly with their sexuality. Everyone else seems so secure with themselves and I’m not and its so frustrating.

Another reasons why I may be stressed are exams but tbh with the current stressing over my identity I don’t give them much thought….which is probably why I’m gunna fail but fuck it. There’s always next year.

My parents are also being a pain in the arse. They have this policy where children should be seen not heard. From a kid I’ve always been told to play quietly and its so annoying. What was I doing that was so noisy? Bouncing a small bouncy ball of the wall. Not the floor, the wall. It wasn’t making that much noise.

Other people also piss me off. Oscar the twat is still a twat, Daniel, not only is he nauseating with all his ”I love you” shit but he tells other people my private conversations.

I feel like slapping someone I really do. I’m not used to feeling so highly strung. I would take up running again to work out my anger but lately my dreams have been my ‘escape from the real world’ if you will. So much so that I actually don’t want to wake up. I skipped school today just because I didn’t want to wake up. Thats how shit my life is atm. I’m only happy when I’m sleeping.

I will probably regret ranting like this on my public blog when I know people read it so I’ll keep this post private. Thats fucking frustrating aswell. I started this blog so I could rant about my problems. Yet now I feel I can’t even talk about issues such as my sexuality, something which is really important to me but also really sensitive.

I feel a bit better now I’ve vented my anger.

-Shwee

So the band is from Canada and called ‘Dance Yourself To Death’ and their genre is kind of dance/rock/pop. The group consists of four members: Jen Markowitz, Carmen Elle, Johnny Ryan and Susan Gale. I really like this group and I suggest giving them a listen. So far I’ve had their single ”We Are All Made Of Stone” on repeat for almost an hour and I’m contemplating buying their album. 

So without further ado, I give you their music video; ‘We Are All Made Of Stone’. If you like it I suggest you check their site. In fact, I demand you watch the video.

Enjoy.

-Shwee

Ok so when I started this blog I wanted to use it to rant about the things bothering me in life. Talk about the things that I felt I couldn’t talk about in real life and just have an outlet for all my thoughts. However when people I actually know started reading my blog I thought ‘oh heck’. But I don’t care no more. If I have readers then cool. If not then its still cool. This blog is for myself; not anybody else but if you find my life THAT interesting then go ahead and read but don’t complain about what your reading.

So today is the last day of the half term holidays. A lot has happened actually. I feel great. A lot more confident and secure. One thing I discovered was that a lot more people then I initially thought are in love with me [or are just after sex from me] but I’ve managed to successfully knock back most of them.

I did decide to start dating one of my friends though and I’m not sure if I regret it or not. Its been years since my last relationship and I kind of avoided them for so long. I knew my friend liked me and I was unsure of my feelings towards him and I wasn’t planning to but when he asked me I just said yes.  But then after a day [yes ONE day] he was like ”I’ve had my heart broken before but now I think I’ve found love again with you”. WTF?!?! Its been ONE DAY!! I guess its a little fast for my liking but he’s still sweet. I guess when I’ll see him at school I’ll tell him I want to go slow. I don’t want him to fall madly in love with me for me to just hurt him. I want to make people happy not crush them.

That brings me to my next point. I’ve decided that my job in life is to make people smile. I don’t know how I’m going to do it but I will. That is my goal in life. I want to make as many people as I can happy. I want to touch hearts and help people move past their grief. We’ve all been in dark places but I want to help people move past that and embrace life. I don’t know what this means for a future career but thats what I’mg oing to aim to do. Even if I just make one person a week happy; I can die feeling as though I did my job. 

Along with this new blog post I’m going to update my 25 most played songs list. I was forced to reset my iPod last week so it should have changed a lot. It will be up not too long after I post this so check it out.

-Shwee

P.S I have heard from anonymous sources that there are some fake Shwees out there. I will say this once; The Shwee can NOT be duplicated or recycled. I’m the one and only baby. That is all.

Anyways I have checked the dates for the concert and it clashes with my exams (lucky me) so there is no way I can go. If anyone is interested in buying it let me know. The date for the ticket is 23rd January 2010 and the seat location is: section BK 412, row T, seat 726. Anything else you want to know then drop a comment.

I need at least £60 for the ticket as thats what I originally paid. 

-Shwee

I got the highest in my psychology class but apperently only about 4 people passed physics. This year they have changed all of the exams so its hard to predict what the questions are like and stuff….Ah well. I knew I had failed in anyways.

-Shwee

I’ll probably sell the ticket as I don’t think my parents will let me go down London (I only bought one) but still I’m so happy!!! XD

The date I got is Saturday 23rd Janguary 2010 so if anyone is interested in buying it I will post details later if I have to sell it. 

-Shwee

Over the weekend I plan to re-do all my physics and psychology notes saying as I have lost almost all of them. Joy. Though I probably won’t get it done. Especially as I have been invited to go ice skating…

I’ll update with my actual results later today. Perhaps in school if the civic centre hasn’t blocked wordpress…

-Shwee

People tell me to jump and I ask how high. They stand me up and I always smile and say it doesn’t matter; despite waiting for them for 30 minutes in the pouring rain. Yet I’m always expected to be on time. I listen to everyones problems; always non-judgemental, always giving advice. Yet when I try and rely on my ”best friend” she gets annoyed at me. 

I’m always expected to run around after people just to make them happy. But I’m sick of it. I can’t go through life always trying to please people. I’m sick of being let down. I just feel that they don’t really care. I do know I have at least one friend who’s always there. I’m just annoyed at one or two people. Funnily enough they’re both females. I always have gotten on better with males. 

Ah well now I’m gunna go to the cinemas with a friend. He will cheer me up. (Though I also feel kinda nervous….)

-Shwee